All of the patents listed on this page were officially issued by the U.S. Patent Office. Don't blame me for inventing them or successfully prosecuting them to grant: I'm only a legal assistant in the nebulous patent world. My only wish is to share the oddities of human imagination, as exemplified by the weirdnesses herein. Don't think that I own any of these products, either. Chances are they don't and never will exist anywhere beyond writing; they say that only 1 out of 20 patents actually makes it into the tangible world. With over seven million U.S. patents granted so far, that means most of those inventions are, well, just words.